Failure or Success: Which is Worse?

Fear of failure is a common phrase. But there are so many quotes about picking up, moving on, learning from, and becoming better people because of our failures, that I wonder why should we fear it? And why should it stop us from trying our best at something?

More sensible yet less talked about is fear of success. Success changes everything, not always for the better. Think of people who win the lottery only to go broke again, or actors who become movie stars and lose their privacy. Think of the winners of the Biggest Loser and the scrutiny they’re under to stay slim. Think of Mark Zuckerberg who now has 20 Billion things to worry about. Think of aspiring authors who like the quiet life of being a writer, then get shot out of a cannon into the public eye when their novels get published.
Then again, fame and money are so fleeting that maybe the real test is whether or not you can hold on for the brief flight.
Yes, that’s it: Success is like a bull riding.
Excuse me while I go look for my cowboy boots.

The Trouble With Blogging

Do you know me? If you’ve been following along over the past year, year and a half, two years that I’ve been blogging, you probably know me better than some of my friends (can they really be called friends if they’re not reading my blogs?). I tend to reveal too much. I don’t have many secrets or evil thoughts—and the ones I do have I save for my novels (which you haven’t read yet because I’m too much like Salinger: I like to write too much to stop long enough for publication)(yep, that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it). But back to my point. If you know me, then you know my trouble with blogging.

I talk too much!

Especially after my coffee, which I call Truth Serum. Which I have just drank drunk consumed.

Take for instance my last post, below, How To Write A Bad Review. It’s not a bad post, but I could have gone on for hours about how it might apply to, for instance, bosses: How to give a bad review to an employee. Or to parents: How to straighten your kids out without alienating them. Or even to friends or spouses: How to tell someone you love something they’re doing wrong and still have them walk away from your conversation knowing you love them and making them think they’re good people who can do better. But then I just stopped writing because…

When I get deep into a really good thought for a blog post, it makes me crazy that I’m not working on my novel! It’s the same with reading a good book. I want to read, but more importantly, I want to write! I know the experts say we’re supposed to blog 3x/week, but I’d usually rather spend that time writing.

Allison Scotch Winn wrote an excellent post about how she does it all: writer, blogger, mom, wife. She is whom I aspire to be. But for now, I’m going to go work on my novel which I love and can’t stop writing.

Does anyone out there feel they have found a good balance with all the activities they like to do? Please tell me your secrets!

How To Write A Bad Review

In the past year, I’ve become active on both goodreads and Twitter. Each time I record my opinion of a book on goodreads, it gets sent out to hundreds of people via Twitter, sometimes even directly to the author. Earlier this year, I created a small dust storm when I made one slightly disparaging comment about a book I otherwise enjoyed. Since then, most of my reviews have been pretty darn positive. My husband asked me last night if I’d stopped being honest because I’ve been so nice in my reviews lately.

Dishonest? Me? Never!

To look at my list of books on goodreads, it must seem like I’m overly generous with those red stars. But my reviews are swayed by my choices. I rarely read a book that I don’t think I’m going to like. No one else (book club, employer, evil librarian) is telling me what to read. That being said, I do have my opinions and they’re not always nice.

When I was an art dealer, the local Arts reporter from the Des Moines Register gave my gallery a lot of press, including great photo spreads. Nearly all her reviews were extremely positive. I thanked her for that (she was really good for my business), and asked her what she did when she didn’t like an exhibition. Her response was, “I simply don’t put bad reviews in the paper. There are so many good shows, I don’t have enough space to write about the bad ones, too.” (Des Moines has a world-class art scene. Truly.) From this reporter, no review = bad review. Sometimes that works, sometimes not.

Critics are supposed to be critical, otherwise they’d be called cheerleaders. But the tiny brouhaha I found myself at the center of in March taught me one important thing. Authors are people too. Every single book (excluding the unworthy, self-published ebooks) got printed because somebody thought they had some redeeming elements. And every single person has a different set of likes, dislikes, taste, style and expectations. You can’t please all the people all the time.

As we hacks write reviews of novels, it would serve the world well to remember: Be honest but fair. Be objective as well as subjective. Don’t attack the author—they’ve put their hearts, souls and minds out there for your enjoyment, not to be desecrated. It’s okay to criticize, but balance that by pointing out something positive.

We should all be so lucky as to be published. Don’t you agree?

Good Thing I’m Not a Gymnast

The word of the day is: balance.

I’m terrible at balancing my personal and professional lives. Am I alone? Extreme? You tell me.

Being a writer, working from home, it is so easy to let others intrude, and/or stop writing to do laundry or water the plants. I’ve made jokes for years about having ADHD, which I know is not a joking matter for some. I’m tempted to seek out a doctor for a prescription for Adderall, but then I’ll just be adding to my list of obligations that keep me away from my desk during my writing hours! AND, I heard that Adderall inhibits the creative processes of the brain. Lord knows I don’t want to inhibit my creative process if I’m trying to write a novel.

Any thoughts, comments, suggestions?