An Honest(y) Dilemma

Honesty is the best policy. Be true to yourself. Different strokes for different folks. The First Amendment gives us the right to say what we want.

As I write this entry into my blog, I honestly have a stomach ache because I’ve offended a fellow writer. (Guess I’ll never make it as a NYT book critic if I’m this much of a wimp.) I am a 48-year old mother of four, and a Libra (for whatever that’s worth). I’ve been called a “pleaser,” and I’m still not sure if that’s good or bad. The LAST thing I want to do is offend a person. That being said, I have my personal likes and opinions, as we all do. I also have a quick tongue and often regret what comes out of my mouth before I’ve considered how it will be heard. That’s one reason I’m a writer ~ I can edit and rewrite my words before I show them to people.

One of the supreme benefits of our world, at least and foremost in the United States, is that we are exposed to so much because of differing interests. I don’t go see horror movies, but they make millions of dollars off people who do. I don’t read Sci-Fi books nor books about vampires (although I did read the Twilight series to see what all the rage was about ~ and I read all four books because Stephenie Meyer has a knack for plot and making readers (me) sympathize with Bella). I prefer crime dramas on TV to sitcoms like “The Office”. I prefer mysteries and literature to Chick-Lit. But that’s my prerogative; that’s what our world is about.

However, social media is ubiquitous, and the impact and transparency of social media is game-changing.

My point is, I recently read Sara J. Henry’s debut novel, Learning To Swim. In my review on Goodreads, I called her book “a page-turner”, a “strong debut novel”, and said that she “did an excellent job at keeping the reader guessing “Whodunit?”, and I finished with “I thoroughly enjoyed the story”. However, I also said that “I found her fundamentals (i.e. syntax and vocabulary) to be rather elementary”. Unfortunately, it was this comment that apparently stuck out in Ms. Henry’s mind. I hereby and whole-heartedly apologize for offending Ms. Henry.

I am a writer, not yet “an author”. I have not yet had my fiction work published. I do not hold an MFA in English or Literature. Some people would say that I shouldn’t be able to critique work in a public forum without those credentials. Some would say that if I do, my critique should be dismissed. However, I am a voracious reader, and I have opinions. I have written two and a half novels (the first I shelved because I realized it was naive at best). The second I have submitted to agents, and gotten some nibbles but no representation yet, so I have rewritten and revised upon the feedback I’ve gotten from agents. My mother loved it (yeah, I know, but she does have a Ph.D. in Higher Education), another Ph.D professor of English at Ole Miss, Dr. Colby Kullman, had very high praise for it including “suspenseful”, the “characters come alive”, and it “by far surpasses any of their MFA’s first novels” ~ enough praise to keep me going through multiple agent rejections. Ironically, my own father “did not like it.” He told me that in person. He said it was “too raw” for his taste. (Perhaps I should have advised him that my bisexual, drug-using, unfaithful female character was in no way autobiographical before I gave it to him.) But enough about me.

In the world of the Internet, Twitter, Goodreads, etc., when a person puts their opinion online, it’s very likely that someone will either disagree or be offended. It happens everyday. I am sure that when my work (either my current book or a future one) is published, it and/or I will be criticized. I am under no illusion that everyone will like it in part or in whole. But that is “a supreme benefit” of living in America. I have to be willing to risk being hurt if I put my work out there.

Before writing full-time, I was an art dealer. I saw a lot of beautiful work, and a lot of ugly work. I, of course, only represented work that I thought was great art. Again, I have my opinion on what is “great art.” I was never a fan of Robert Rauschenberg, though he’s considered one of the greatest artists of the Twentieth Century. I also didn’t like A Visit From the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan for the same reason I don’t like Rauschenberg: I thought their “ground-breaking originality” was gimmicky. Rauschenberg famously added “found objects” in his work (in the mid-50s put a taxidermied chicken in/on one work). Egan did an entire chapter in Power Point. I understand the “Power of the New”, but I don’t have to love gimmicks. Meanwhile, Egan and Rauschenberg (the latter posthumously) have laughed all the way to the bank, as they say.

As for Ms. Henry, I honestly enjoyed her novel, and look forward to the sequel. It’s just that when I compare her debut novel to Thomas Wolfe’s Look Homeward, Angel, and Kazuo Ishiguro’s The Remains of the Day (the other two books I am currently reading), I find her fundamentals to be “elementary”. “Straightforward” or “undemanding” might have better choices. Perhaps it is wildly unfair to compare a debut novelist to some of the great writers on their masterworks. “Nothing is good or bad except by comparison.” I should be so lucky as to have a debut novel out there for people to critique.

Again, Ms. Henry, my apologies. I hope that everyone who reads this will buy your book and you will make lots of money off the controversy!

The flip side of the coin, one I will try to remember for the future: “The less said is the best said.”

My Apologies – Read This First

Yesterday, in one precious moment of free time (aka: procrastination), I was experimenting with my Blog format. My web site is hosted by Apple, and I am a huge fan of everything they do and make. Except for their blogging page. Since Apple is so cool, my first thought was that I probably just didn’t know what I was doing and that if I played around a bit on the site, maybe I could add sidebars, widgets, links, and more.

Well, I was wrong. In the end, I decided to leave it alone and went back to my original formatting. But the Apple gods got the last laugh.

Every single one of my blog posts, going back to April of 2008 was screwed up. Now I have to manually go through each one to re-format it to MY specs. Thanks a bunch, Apple. And to all of you who have signed up for the RSS feed, you’re going to get an email for each post I fix. I’m really sorry to clog up your inbox.

Who knows, maybe Steve Jobs has signed up for my RSS feed, and he’ll be reading this, and he’ll feel really bad for me. “I’ll take the new MacBook Pro, Mr. Jobs, as your apology. And can you beef up your blogging page while you’re at it?”

Again, my apologies.

Can’t – Stand – The – PRESSURE!

A few days ago, I figured out how to add a Page Counter to my blog. Now I can see how many people actually look at my web site. Cool! I have already learned that either I have more fans than I realized, or I have a stalker with twitchy fingers!

Fans? OMG, the pressure!

Ten days ago I made a promise to write more about fathers, sons, and families. Since then, I’ve developed stage fright, writer’s block, broken fingers, a terrible case of the flu… something! All I know is inspiration has fled.

I can tell you my step-daughter just gave birth to our first grandchild ~ a boy, of course! That’s kept me terribly (wonderfully) busy just looking at the pictures. Mother, baby, and father are all doing great, thanks for asking.

But the truth is, friends, I’ve been editing. Last weekend, I finished the first draft of my manuscript for The King Family, 82,000 words (300 pages), and now the tough work begins. Writing the first draft is the EASY part. Polishing it for submission separates the King family from the girls with dragon tattoos. (Plus, I’ve become obsessed with Twitter. If you haven’t tried it, you owe it to yourself to see what it’s all about.)(Then you can follow me there, as well.)(I’m quite funny when I can’t ramble on for more than 140 characters.)(Really!)

My mother, who holds a PhD in higher education, gave me the best editing advice I’ve ever received. Read the book backwards, she said, sentence by sentence, so you don’t get caught up in the story. That’s tough to do, but well worth it, even thought it takes a lot of time.

Anyway, I’ve been busy, not neglectful, but I do owe you all a post about MEN.

I’ll see what brilliance I can come up with as soon as I forget about the geiger counter on my blog page.

(Thanks for all the visits!)

Fathers, Sons, and Brothers

As you faithful followers know, when I’m not writing, I’m reading. I read novels and I read about writing. I read blogs and web sites and twitter and newspapers. Read, read, read, that’s what I do.

Recently I have found many articles (coincidence or a message?) about blogging. Everyone has advice about blogging, and some of it I actually think makes sense.

I’m not quite ready to sell advertising on this blog (though if you want to pay me money, I’ll surely take it), but apparently I’m supposed to refine my subject matter a bit. All this time I thought the blog was supposed to be about me. Nope, it’s supposed to be about my subject matter, my field of expertise! Who knew?

If I wrote non-fiction, say How to Deliver Your Own Baby to Save Cash (which I did once)(accidentally, not to save money), then I should blog about “The Importance of Having Clean Towels Handy at All Times”, or “Why You Should Wait Till After Your Baby Is Born to Clean Your Carpets”. But I don’t write non-fiction, I write novels.

The King Family is the story of a man who runs from his own troubles straight into those his father buried fifty years ago.

Aha! I should blog about Fathers, Sons, and Brothers.

I’m sure you know by now, I have four sons and one step-son. I have a husband, a father, a brother, six nephews, an ex-husband, and even a male dog. And I, the lone female in my house, am the observer. I watch. I take notes. I “borrow”. I am continually and ever more deeply obsessed with the interactions of the male species, not always easy, rarely pretty.

Nothing fascinates me more, nor is more prevalent in my life, than my family. Ok, so I will try to blog more often about the interpersonal interactions between male family members ~ without revealing personal details. Don’t worry guys, you know I love you.

When I get really smart and brave, I’ll tackle mothers and daughters.

A Girl’s Gotta Eat (aka: There Goes My Last Excuse)

I’m not boring. Truly, I’m not. The problem for you faithful readers is that I’ve realized this is more than a diary. If you people with terribly busy lives who have deemed my blog important enough to squeeze in to your allotted 1,440 minutes per day remember, which I’m sure you do, I realized last Thanksgiving that REAL people are REALLY out there reading this. (Hi Chuck and Betty!)

Life ain’t always pretty, and I have to be careful about what I casually throw out there.

I mean, it’s not like I’ve been arrested or anything else humiliating, but come on, life is messy, and personal. Right? So, somedays, the really interesting days, when I’m aching to blog about Life’s Lessons, I don’t. Other days, okay, most days I probably am boring. The days when I sit at my computer, never breath fresh air unless I walk my dog (and that’s not very fresh), those are the days I create my best work, but it goes into my novels and you can’t share the excitement until my work is published. (Soon, I hope!)

But back to the subject at hand. My oldest son is 26-years old now. I don’t consider myself a great cook by any means, but for MORE THAN 26 YEARS, it’s been my “duty/job/responsibility” to cook dinner. I was married once for 15 years, single for 5, married again for 7 years now (Hi, honey!), and I’ve done almost all the cooking for those 26+ years. AND I DON’T EVEN LIKE TO COOK!

Some of you out there must think I’m crazy. I shoulda…. Yeah, well, I didn’t. Granted, my husband and I now eat out 2-3x/week (yea!) but the other 4 or 5 nights, I cook. I’ve always done it cuz I’ve always done it.

Well, this past New Year’s Eve, my husband and I were sitting at home having a nice, quiet, peaceful, non-drunken dinner (Scallops with caramel-orange sauce, asparagus, and quinoa), and we were talking about our goals for 2011. I said, no surprise here, that I wanted to write more and be published. I must have also mentioned something about the time I spend cooking… and know what my incredible husband said to me? He told me that I don’t have to cook. This was over a nice dinner; it’s not like I served him mac ‘n cheese or anything. I’ve kinda gotten good at this over the years. He said that as long as the two of us can sit and relax and talk, he doesn’t care where the food comes from (takeout anyone?) or even if it’s frozen pizza. Who knew?

I know, I know, there are MILLIONS of men and women out there right now screaming, Girl! Wake up! Why have you been cooking all these years if you didn’t want to! It’s about time!

So, I’m not boring, just slow. I cook because my family needs to eat. I can, therefore I do. Kinda like putting together the furniture for my youngest son’s first apartment last August. (kindly see the post dated Aug. 24, 2010)

HOWEVER, even after my husband said I don’t NEED to cook a nice meal, the following night, I made Braised Cardamon-Curry Lamb Stew with a hearty loaf of focaccia bread. Tonight was broiled beef tenderloin, roasted squash with brown sugar, and chipotle-spiced corn.

Turns out, I WANT to eat good food at home. I don’t want cereal for dinner.

There goes my last excuse for not writing more.

Now, what’s for dessert?

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Wedding

Ok, finally, here’s the news I’ve been promising you:

I have a fan club.

What? Not what you were expecting? Well, it’s pretty darn swell if you ask me! This is as incredible as the first check I will get from my agent. Symbolically speaking, of course.

I write and I write and I write, usually on my manuscript for The King Family, occasionally on this blog, which until last Friday night, felt like a diary. Once in a while, one of my friends would mention they’d read a page or two, but that usually only happened the day after I paid the skywriters to blast it over Des Moines, or when I run an extensive radio campaign begging people to visit my web site. But Friday night, at the rehearsal dinner for my step-daughter’s wedding, I met two people, two wonderful, intelligent, beautiful people who READ MY BLOG all on their own! Seriously, they’ve read every entry. And memorized it. And they recited many passages. And they asked pertinent questions, about me and my family and my novels.

It was freaky in the most flattering way.

I have thus anointed Chuck and Betty Stewart, the new co-presidents of my fan club. Chuck and Betty are the aunt and uncle for my step-daughter’s new husband. (I don’t think this qualifies as nepotism.) If I repeated all the sweet, complimentary things they said to me about me and my writing, these words would turn as red as Chuck’s sweater because I’d be blushing so hard. And, you wouldn’t believe me anyway. Their comments were like my mom’s comments on steroids. I’m still trying to figure out if my husband paid them to show up and boost my ego… but after paying for his daughter’s wedding, I don’t think they would have gotten very much money out of him.

Sitting at my desk in my cozy writing studio in Des Moines, Iowa, it takes a lot of self-confidence to keep writing and writing even though I haven’t gotten paid one copper cent. Yet. The good news is, I LOVE writing, every part of it. I do this for myself. I know I’ll be published, it’s only a matter of time, but it sure does feel good to get the kind words of encouragement that Chuck and Betty showered on me.

I have recently received a few other bits of encouragement, but I’m afraid if I share them I’ll jinx myself. Let’s just say, I’m getting enough positive reinforcement to propel my forward motion. That, plus, my husband and I will be going back to Costa Rica after the new year for ten weeks. Last year, I thought it was going to be hell. Now I know, it’s heaven. I hope to finish The King Family while I’m there, maybe even start on The Blue-Eyed Twin, my next book! (I am SO excited for The Blue-Eyed Twin!)

To Chuck and Betty: Thank you again. The good news about being co-presidents of my fan club is there’s no work involved. The bad news is there’s also no salary.

To the rest of you: If you hope to be next year’s president, you’ve got some stiff competition!

Hasta luego!

Brand New Day, Brand New Week, Brand New Plan

Man, I love symbolism.
The sunrise from our balcony this morning challenged the sunsets from our Costa Rica home. Challenged, not beat. There is no ocean around here so it really wasn’t a fair fight.

So, last week… whew! Most of you who are reading this probably know I had a big week last week. With seven kids, and now two sons-in-law, we had a baby shower, then Thanksgiving, then a wedding, which was preceded by a rehearsal dinner and followed by a brunch. Didn’t have a moment to write, or even blog. But now, I’m back, with so much to say.

First and foremost, I’ve actually been asked to blog more often. It’s no fun to check a blog that hasn’t been updated! And, now that I know that this is more than a diary ~ people ARE reading it, I will do my best to write two or three times a week, minimum.

Plus, you can now comment on my posts! There’s a link at the bottom of each page for you to write back to me. [Ah, Karolyn, be careful what you wish for.] Remember to keep it clean, or I’ll delete you. (ha ha ha)

And speaking of my fans, the ones who requested I blog more often, I have big news for tomorrow’s post. Stay tuned…

Breaking News: Identity Crisis Explained!

I’ve been known to ask a few rhetorical questions in my blog. Why should this one be any different?

Remember, back in school, such a long, long time ago for some of us, when we took those tests: Which title is the best title for the following story?

Midnight Street
That Changes Everything
A Portrait of Trust
Who Is Lily White?

Over the past year, my novel, which I love, has undergone all of the above titles. The novel hasn’t changed, just my personal opinion on the best title from a marketing standpoint. When it’s sitting on a display shelf at Barnes & Noble, which one will most intrigue the most readers?

Perhaps I’m getting ahead of myself?

Midnight Street is a line from a song, from which this story grew into a novel, and was the original title. A Portrait of Trust was the briefest, albeit a darn good title. I have queried agents with the other two titles. After hours and hours of thought and research and comparisons, I have rewritten my query letter and reverted to my original title. My gut tells me this is the best one. (A secret to share with you, Faithful Reader: All of the pivotal scenes take place outside, on a street, in the dark.)

So there you have it. The explanation, schizophrenic as it makes my novel sound, for the name change game. For the record, I, myself, have had three last names in my lifetime ~ actually, in the last ten years. It’s no wonder my book has an identity crisis! But, I am still me, and my novel is still my novel.

What do you think about that?

I Cannot Tell a Lie

The trouble with blogging comes from rereading old posts.

I know this doesn’t bode well for a novelist to say, but sometimes I find myself pathetically honest and honestly pathetic. Take yesterday’s post, for instance. Definitely falls under the Pathetic category. I couldn’t come up with anything else to do but movies, books, or TV?

For Pete’s sake, Karolyn, go for a walk, call a friend, clean out a damn closet.

Good news for you readers though: My books are not about myself, they’re about made up characters with made up problems and lives.

You will find them believable. Honest.